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Bzzin’ Down The Highway

August 2nd, 2007 Posted by Chanya

 

(Driving. Approaching the highway. 160 miles to go. Cell phone rings.)

"Hello?""Chanya. We’ve got to do something about the bsss."

"Mama (yes, I’m a southern gal), I can’t hear you, what’s wrong?"

"The BEES. They can’t find their way home."

"What are you talking about?" I yell, while attempting a one-handed merge onto I-85.

"The bees can’t get back to their homes." She says this slowly as if she’s speaking to a 4-year old. "The cell phone waves are making them confused. So they’re not pollinating like they should."

"Okaay," I say, slowing down because some jerk won’t let me into the entrance lane.

"It’s those stupid cell phones. People should stop using them." I’m finally on the highway. I pause to reflect on the irony of that statement.

"Mama, I don’t think that’s gonna’ happen. I can’t see people giving up their cell phones. Also, think of the lives that have probably been saved because someone with a cell phone called for help."

"Well, they should."

"Um, mama, shiss$*%!" Is that 18-wheeler trying to run me off the road? Billy Bob truck driver blows his horn at me. At ME!

"Man is just destroying the world," she continues calmly. "Just like with gas. Look at what they do to the land just to find some oil. All for money. People are just greedy. They don’t care that the earth won’t be here for their children. They just think about making more money. And for what? They can’t spend it all before they die. They’re just greedy. And this administration is . . . ."

23 minutes later.

"Uh, okay mama, gotta go. I’ll chat with you when I get home. Bye."

Three hours later, I’m walking through my front door. The phone is ringing. I check the caller ID. Oh great.

"Hey mama."

"Hey sweetie, glad you got home safe." She pauses. "Yep . . . . . . and they need to stop people from smoking in public. Little babies inhale that smoke and . . ."

Raise your hand if you can relate.