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How Does Your Garden Grow?

July 23rd, 2007 Posted by Chanya

 

My parents are hooked on Round Up. You know, the stuff you use to kill weeds. They love it. They go through it like water. Every weed they come upon is sprayed to within an inch of its life. As a matter of fact, I think my father needs one of those cowboy gunbelts that hangs from your hips. I can see him hanging a bottle of Round Up from the belt, walking around the yard like he’s the Wyatt Earp of Weedtown. Shoot first, ask questions later.

I wish ex-boyfriends were as easy to get rid of. They seem to always pop-up in the wrong places. Here are a few facts about weeds - I’ll point out the similarities:

1. Weeds cause allergies, skin rashes, or hay fever. Or a panic attack when you run into an ex-boyfriend on a bad hair day.
2. Weeds can interfere with recreational activities such as boating or fishing.Or my ability to ever dine again in the place we called our favorite restaurant.
3. Weeds can stop some animals, like sheep or cattle, from getting to their intended destinations.Oh, like the day I saw him at the front of a bookstore with a new girlfriend. I turned and went the other way. Who knew he could read?
4. Some weeds can change the environmental conditions in the ecosystem (e.g., soil chemistry) by adding salt or unwanted nutrients to the soil. In other words, he’s the reason I’m eating Ruffles Barbeque potato chips every day.
5. Low-growing vegetation communities, such as grasslands or wetlands, are often hardest hit by weeds. Taller shrubs or trees can easily shade out weeds. Okay, so tall, slim girls get over ex-boyfriends better than shorter, fatter girls. I get it.
6. Weeds can stop sunlight, water and nutrients from getting to some plants. Um, I think that’s called depression.
7. The survival of some plant species is threatened by weed invasion. Some weeds smother plants and eventually lead to their death.Okay, he wasn’t all that.
8. Weed invasion can cause a domino or ripple effect on the ecosystem. When one native plant is lost, there will be knock-on effects for the other plants. Yeah, yeah, my friends and family are tired of hearing about my heartaches.